Sorry, Not Sorry for Putting You In My Story

"You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better." - Anne Lamott

So you're inspired by your own life story, and you've decided to write a somewhat fictional book about it. It's your life story. You own it. But what about when you include people from your life in your story. Your best friend. Your brother. Heaven forbid you said anything about Aunt Laura!

Writing your truth can be sticky, but it is what it is. This isn't to say other people's feelings don't matter. They do. There are just some things in our life that don't always look good on paper. People get offended. You didn't paint them with sunflowers and red roses. But don't beat yourself up for writing your reality. Whether a person impacted you negatively or positively, they were a part of your journey. They were a part of your lessons. They are a part of your message to your readers.

It still stinks, though.

“Sometimes it's better to ask forgiveness than ask for permission.” - My Grandma

Including our loved ones in our story puts them on stage for readers. And they're naked. Who wants to stand in front of hundreds of thousands of readers (let's hope) with their butts out. The embarrassment comes with vulnerability. The vulnerability comes with facing self-image. You've written a jewel or a monster, and either way, they're exposed. And you didn't even ask their permission. But, did you have to?

Kind of, sort of, no.

If we go with legalities, the answer is no…kind of. You can definitely stir up 'defamation of character' chatter, and that's no fun. Steer clear. Know that law before you break it. I'm not a lawyer, and you have to do your own research on that one. At the same time, you have the right to create fictional characters "inspired by real people" and "based on true stories." Again, not a lawyer, but that much I know. Still, creativity plus imagination plus inspiration in the writing world equals fiction. This is especially true for contemporary fiction. That is the fiction of now, and it includes people we know in this moment or our immediate past.

Writing about your life does something for your soul. It expresses your feelings, shares your memories, and creates an image of how you see yourself, or all of the above. At the same time, when we include loved ones, we're exposing their actions and behaviors. We're illustrating an image of them, good or bad, for every reader to visualize and judge. I get it. It would suck if it happened to me.

“Do the right thing.” - Spike Lee

So what do we do with it as fiction writers inspired by the people around us? Honestly, 75% of me agree with Anne Lamott. They should have behaved better. Some people did. My best friend has always been a diamond in my life. My ex, not so much. The point is you're not responsible for what other people gave you or did to you that created your life story. And you shouldn't drive yourself crazy because they're upset about it. Give yourself grace. Have some chocolate cake. Offer them some. Talk it out. Maybe this is an opportunity to hash out some old things and open up to each other. Whatever arises from writing your story is part of a journey you're still on. Your story belongs to you. Write it.